Liberals Piss Me Off.
9:44 a.m. || 2004-06-23

I was in and out of the office all day yesterday attending funding meetings, and in general listening to people piss and moan about how bad off they were because the State wouldn't give them enough money, blah, blah, blah. I will go ahead and state right now that I agree! The state should give us more money for higher education! This however is where all my agreement stops from yesterday and also marks the point where I will pursue another rant, separate from the budget/funding rants that will probably occupy the remainder of the week.

Let me begin by saying that I work at probably the most conservative public university you will ever see. 75% of the student body votes Republican. However, the meeting I attend is primarily made up of faculty (in forthcoming sentences they will be referred to as HippiesWhoSomehowFoundAJob). As I listen to all the HippiesWhoSomehowFoundAJob complain about having to teach students, as opposed to being paid to travel around the world and discover themselves, I begin to get a bit annoyed. I thought this was to be a budget meeting where we would sit down, look at hard numbers and then say, "Okay, HippyWhoSomehowFoundAJob#1 does a better job than HippyWhoSomehowFoundAJob#2, so we will fire HippyWhoSomehowFoundAJob#2 and give tenure to HippyWhoSomehowFoundAJob#1 so that he can quit working, put his thumb up his butt and never work again." NOPE! Turns out I was wrong. It instead turns into a Republican bash fest where all the HippiesWhoSomehowFoundAJob complain about our state leadership. I should point out here that I often complain about our state leadership too, but I actually have a clue about what's going on in Austin, because that is my job. I remark, aloud of course but to no one in particular, that if all of the HippiesWhoSomehowFoundAJob had actually bothered to put down their weed and go to the polls and vote that we would obviously be living in some type of edenistic utopian society, and that it was too bad that they didn't (bother to vote that is, personally I get most of my joy from the misfortunes of others, so I'm not sure Utopian is the way I wanna go).

Here's where the story shifts again. At this point it becomes en vogue for the HippiesWhoSomehowFoundAJobAndSitVeryCloseToMe to turn and attack me. If you've figured me out yet, you know I enjoy this immensely. However, it has nothing to do with budgets or funding at this point, and has everything to do with greedy capitalist scumbag meateaters and their damn environment killing SUVs. I will proudly point out that I AM a greedy capitalist meateater who drives a pick-up (a normal one, not one of the really jacked up small penis trucks), because they get even worse gas mileage than most SUVs. Now I'm not trying to trivialize our environmental woes. If they could find a manly vehicle that got 40 miles to the gallon I'd be happy to drive it (and at $1.80 a gallon, my bank account would love it!). But the fact of the matter is, I haul stuff, I like to sit up taller than cars to make them feel inferior and if you look at me snotty because I'm taller than you, I like the thought of being able to run over you if I so choose. I would at least like to be able to run over your cat without having it hang up under my oil pan and me dragging it all the way home.

Long story short (or is it too late for that?), if you're pissed off about your representatives, get out and do something about it. Don't whine and complain about the Republicans destroying the environment and ruining the economy. It's not my fault you can't find a job. You can't find a job because you refuse to shower and quit smoking hash, because you somehow feels this makes you one with nature. Regardless of what state the environment is in, it's not my fault you have a small penis. You have a small penis for 1 of 3 reasons:

1) Your dad and grandpa have a small penis.

2) Your dad has a small penis but didn't know how to please a woman, so your Mom found someone that could. He (probably the Mailman) had a small penis.

3) Your Mom is a whore and whichever of her multiple partners ended up impregnating her had a small penis.

There, it's not my fault. Blame your parents. Seems like you blame them for everything else anyway. Now shut up and go eat lunch on your trust fund money. Oh, and just in case this rant pissed any of you off... Let me go a bit further. I kill animals and eat them. Later...

Older Lies||Younger Lies

Wanna know how to scare your ex? - 2005-03-12
Maybe I am not the sickest person out there. - 2005-02-23
I'm out of my funk and I'm not talking about hygiene. - 2005-02-11
Ding Dong the Sports Season is Dead. - 2005-02-07
Wow, is this thing still on? - 2005-01-31

9:44 a.m. || 2004-06-23


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I'm 28, tired of working and avoiding the real world by returning to school to seek advanced degrees.

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