It could be worse!
11:20 a.m. || 2004-06-25
Okay, this is a story that I was planning to tell earlier in the week, but funny things kept happening, so I didn't need too. Plus the only two nutjobs that I know actually read this were in some kinda funk, so I didn't feel it was appropriate to step on their head while they were neck deep in quicksand (if for no other reason than maybe my foot would get stuck, and then I too would be in quicksand). Anyway, this is in no way intended to be a 'Poor Joe' endeavor and there is no need to run get some tissues. I just love the irony of it.
It's my anniversary, or at least it was on Monday the 21st. Nope, not marriage, just the day we met and started dating. We met at a conference and it turns out we both do the same thing but for different schools. None of that really matters too much except that she was HOT! The kind of girl so physically beautiful that stupid boys (like many of my friends) will stop them on the street to 'propose.' It happened to her at least once a week, I'm serious. And for some odd reason she was completely into me. She was kinda snotty and completely an ass, dark hair, dark eyes.... completely my type. I ended up extending the business trip for a couple of days to hang out with her and we clicked. She drove to see me soon after (nice little 1700 mile trip) and over the course of that weekend we clicked a little deeper. Suddenly I went from, Mr. MyWholeLifeIsPlannedOut to Mr. WhateverSheWantsToDo. That was so scary and so invigorating all at the same time. We dropped into that long distance, call each other 5 times a day relationship and for us it worked. We got together to toob the river, we went to a football game, she came for business down here, I went up there. We never mentioned the 'M' word but we talked about how many kids we wanted, what we wanted to do, where we wanted to live. All the peripheral questions to the 'M' without actually saying the word. This continued well into 2004, but something gave me an uneasy feeling. A chance to see each other was passed up (for a valid reason, but passed up nonetheless). The phone calls continued and they ended with all the right phrases, but they were different. Then in March I popped in and visited her while she was in Texas for work. I had told her I would probably come by, so it wasn't a complete surprise, but I was tired of beating around the bush and not having the sack to ask the question over the phone. We were both very happy to see each other in a very, "She's at work therefore we act appropriately" type of way. Then we proceed to have the most awkward dinner ever. I knew what was coming, and while attempting to be polite I pushed for the answer. "Yes we need a little space." "No, I'm not seeing anyone else." (I should probably point out here that she was recently off a divorce when I met her, so it was always a little awkward. Plus, I'm a bit more of a manly man than what she was used to. Her previous ideas of sports had been her man sipping wine and saying, "Oh my that Brian Boitano is a fine skater." We rapidly moved her to real college football games, and to me killing things and cooking them on a stick. And she is all the better for it.) Fast forward our conversation to the "I don't know that this is permanent, but I need to date a little bit to be sure of how I feel." I don't like that, but the girl is being up front with me, and that's what we men always blather that we want, so I am caught in some kind of 'Men are from Venus' eddy and I'm forced to accept her statement.
...here's where it gets fun...
Three weeks later, I get an e-mail (a fuckin' E-MAIL!) that simply states: I got a proposal, a real one this time, and I've said yes.
I forwarded it to my best girl-friend. She dropped an 'Are you fucking kidding me!!' Thankfully this was about 4 and I decided to duck out a little early. I was told that I got very, very drunk. The next day 'girl-friends' husband called her and I hear her say, "Whaddya mean her name is changed?" Damn. She realizes she has said this out loud. I look at her, she looks at me. I go to the website and it damn sure is changed. To the last names of one of my really good friends!! I think if Eric Cartman hadn't taught me that choppin' wee wee's was bad, I mighta chopped one then. I call her that evening. I'm overly nice, I ask her how it happened, she said "it just did, blah, blah, can't really explain it, I just know it's right." Strangely enough I'm happy for her. Empathy and compassion for others is new to me. I think she expects me to yell and scream. I sorta think she hopes I will yell and scream, but I don't. She tells me she's getting married on Saturdy and that the web people jumped the gun. It suddenly occurs to me that she is marrying a man with two children already. She hates children. This strikes me as very funny and I get the giggles. Now she is very confused and I believe she is considering calling the 'Nice young men in their clean white clothes' to come get me with a butterfly net. I begin calling her 'Mom.' Over the week, this rapidly degrades into 'Grandma.' This also makes me laugh. All of my friends now think I'm nuts. I try to remind them that I've been nuts as long as they've known me. They try to talk me down off of a ledge that I'm not really on. Because of this, I love them even more than I did before. Then, the best story ever happens (yeah, sad as it is, that was all just lead up to this one little line!). I hope you've been paying attention to facts.
We go to the bar on a Friday, just for fun (okay to get drunk and yell at people, but that is my definition of 'fun'). Some guy starts whining about his week and how it went. Out of the blue girl-friend says... "Quit bitching. It could be worse! I mean, hell, you're almost fiancee could have broken up with you and then just three weeks later be married with two kids, so shut your mouth!"
At this point I spew beer all over my roommate. He's not mad because he likes the smell of beer. He's also not mad because he spewed beer all over me too. It is the funniest thing I've ever heard.
Besides, who can get mad over a little spewed beer?? After all, it could be worse!
Wanna know how to scare your ex? - 2005-03-12
Maybe I am not the sickest person out there. - 2005-02-23
I'm out of my funk and I'm not talking about hygiene. - 2005-02-11
Ding Dong the Sports Season is Dead. - 2005-02-07
Wow, is this thing still on? - 2005-01-31
11:20 a.m. || 2004-06-25
