My Tour O Friends Begins Anew.
11:51 a.m. || 2004-07-16

My first duty today is to brag that I now have friends in multiple continents/countries. So "Howdy", "Hej!" or "'ello" to all of you regardless of whether you are in the US, Sweden or England. Also, a big 'gag me with the hip-hop' shout out to Ali and congratulations on the birth of her little boy Griffin. G-man was born last Saturday, July 10, was 19" and weighed 5 lbs, 19 ozs. Momma and baby appear to be doing great.


I'm off to Lukenbach, Texas today. Yes, just like the Waylon Jennings song. So, like the bum I am, I will skip out early in an effort to start the drinking as soon as possible. Ummm... Jello Shots for lunch on a Friday. Just for the record, this is Weekend #7 in the "Let's get rid of Sean by sending him to Kansas" sweepstakes. My friends act like they are excited, but they will weep like children very, very soon.


A bit of wisdom for the ladies

I don't know why this keeps coming up but we had the ever present lid up/lid down discussion again yesterday... I've heard every side of it (since there are really only two) and here are a few things that all of you ladies need to know:

1) Boys are lazy. Yes, it's easy to bend over and put the lid up and then put it back down, but we really don't understand why you can't put it down and then put it back up. To the best of our knowledge you are required to stoop a bit more than we are to 'do your bidness' so it seems like this would simply be more efficient.

2) Boys have complete and total faith in their ability to hit any/every target. (Eds. Note: Boys are wrong about this, see #3)

3) It appears that girls have the idea that when a boy does his bidness, everything comes out in a nice even stream like water out of a water hose. This problem is compounded by the fact that this is SOMETIMES true. More likely scenario?? Take that same waterhose and put your thumb over half of the spout. See how it squirts all over everywhere?? That's how it happens 98% of the time. Most of it goes 'here' and just for kicks, that one little stream goes 'there.' Even more fun..? We don't know whether it's going to go left, right, up, down... It's not fair, but it's the way it works. We just aim for the middle and hope. If you don't believe me, watch Me, Myself and Irene and enjoy the natural beauty of the 'post sex - pee' scene.

4) Primarily because of #3, and because we all wish to be Cavemen, you should allow us to pee outside as often as we like. This way we don't get the seat wet (or leave it up!) and we get the caveman tendencies out of the way. This stops us from wanting to hit you in the head with a stone club and drag you around by the hair.

In conclusion... Let your boy pee outside. It's win/win for everyone.


And finally because with every word I type I'm losing out on drinking time that I can never get back, here are two comics that amused me this week. I feel like they represent me better than I ever could...

Now go out and buy me gifts to present at the next offering.

Later...

Older Lies||Younger Lies

Wanna know how to scare your ex? - 2005-03-12
Maybe I am not the sickest person out there. - 2005-02-23
I'm out of my funk and I'm not talking about hygiene. - 2005-02-11
Ding Dong the Sports Season is Dead. - 2005-02-07
Wow, is this thing still on? - 2005-01-31

11:51 a.m. || 2004-07-16


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ABOUT ME
I'm 28, tired of working and avoiding the real world by returning to school to seek advanced degrees.

LOVES
College Athletics and the Great Outdoors

HATES
The NBA

Rings
JoeCartoon Approved Diary Rings

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