I (okay WE) owe you an apology.
3:47 p.m. || 2004-07-30

The gig is up. The gag is over. The Mom has come home in the middle of the party and sent everyone home. The only good news is she didn't call the cops.

I've been ordered to write one last time and inform all of you that I have been lying. To you. Everytime I posted. And by 'I', of course I really mean 'we.' And not a proverbial, "Me and the mouse in my pocket" we. I have an accomplice. She's a sexy little bitch that we'll call Helga (<--I'll get in trouble for that too probably). I think I'll call myself Olga as the explanation continues. I picked those names because that's what Helga calls her boobs. She's of scandinavian decent and appears to be mildy retarded, so she names body parts. Being of scandinavian decent doesn't actually make you retarded I've been told. But it does help to explain why she used 'Olga' and 'Helga'. She also has a grandma named Olga. I think this makes her a little incestual. I refuse to give you our real names because people on the internet are sick. Really sick. Like, open up someone's door and hit them in the face with a hammer sick.

Anywhooo, to get on with the story, my Mom looked on our internet and looked at the sites we had been going to. I blamed most of it on my little brother, but couldn't quite get her to buy the fact that my 12 year old brother wrote these stories. We're all in big trouble and we can't access this site from school, so I suppose this is Adios!

Here's the real scoop. I hope Mom approves. I'm 14. I'll be 15 soon and like Helga, I'll get my learners permit. This all started out as a joke to see if we could trick people. Turns out, most of you are not very smart. Call it gullible if you want to sugar coat it, but callings someone 'special' doesn't mean that they're not retarded. In the meantime we've gotten a lot of strange e-mails from a lot of people. Some have even asked us to come visit them. Hopefully, those people have been added to some pscho/stalker list. Reality check! I'm a 14 year old girl with an allowance. I live in Texas and I don't have enough money to visit you. Even if I did, I wouldn't. Because you are sick!! Sick, sick, sick!! It's bad enough that you're all very perverted, but talking about zits and ball sac stank? That's horrible. I don't suppose it's too bad of a thing that Mom caught us, because we were close to caving anyway. Besides, how many good stories can a couple of 9th graders come up with? It has been fun searching the web looking for links and stories. I'm just glad the internet isn't a real place. You know, like a store or a mall where you could go. You think having K-Mart feet from walking around barefoot is bad... could you imagine walking around in the internet bafefooted?

We're also sorry for the pictures we posted or any Aggies we offended. We simply used the school for pictures and such. It's close, it's convenient, and it served us well. Gig 'em.

I wish we could say that we were leaving because we were getting paid to write for someone else, but the only thing we'll be writing is essays in another couple of weeks when school starts up again (Go Vikes!).

Until then, I'm supposed to say that I learned my lesson and I'll never do it again... So, "I learned my lesson and I'll never do it again (but I can't vouch for Helga!)."

Best of luck with your weddings/divorces/step-kids/random drug use. Oh, and stay away from lecherous guys in kilts. At least that's what Mom says.

Until never again...

"Olga"

Older Lies||Younger Lies

Wanna know how to scare your ex? - 2005-03-12
Maybe I am not the sickest person out there. - 2005-02-23
I'm out of my funk and I'm not talking about hygiene. - 2005-02-11
Ding Dong the Sports Season is Dead. - 2005-02-07
Wow, is this thing still on? - 2005-01-31

3:47 p.m. || 2004-07-30


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ABOUT ME
I'm 28, tired of working and avoiding the real world by returning to school to seek advanced degrees.

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College Athletics and the Great Outdoors

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The NBA

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JoeCartoon Approved Diary Rings

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