Wow, is this thing still on?
7:19 p.m. || 2005-01-31
Okay, a few musings about life...
Having a job is overrated... and yet, strangely enough receiving a paycheck is very underrated.
Okay, so I'm alive. I know some of you were probably wondering (hoping?) if I had died... but I have not. I am in the workforce again, and with 30 hours of work piled on top of my 20 hours of class, and 15-20 hours of studying per week it's been a little hectic. If you really know me, and you know that there is at least 30-40 hours of heavy drinking thrown in there somewhere, you realize just how busy I am these days.
Good thing I don't have a girlfriend, because there just wouldn't be time for sex (not even as short as I tend to make it).
I will say that not having internet for a month or so absolutely sucks. I am constantly amazed at the huge steaming masses of crap that manage to find their way into all of my various mailboxes... It's fuckin' ridiculous. I was overlimit on every e-mail address I have, so if you sent me an e-mail and I didn't reply, it's still probably because I think you are a crazy, skeezy internet freak (Jenna) or it's because your mean, mean football team beat the ever livin' snot out of my poor 'lil ole helpless football team in a bowl game that, thankfully, I was too drunk to remember (Alex). Either way, I'm back in the civilized world of wireless internet now, so I don't have an excuse to ignore you anymore.
Oh, and for the rest of you... Those of the Viagra ads (which I don't need, 'cause I'm not gettin' any!) and chain letters... Here's a little something for you:
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send
me your chain letters over the past year. Thank you for making me feel
safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern ... I no
longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans I no
longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat
feces and urine. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it
causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use
cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like water buffalo on a
hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me
with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French
and don't support our
American troops. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell
with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain
will turn me gay. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer
date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me
taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
free
replacement pair from Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from
Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry about my
soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St Theresa's
novena has granted my every wish.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes. (Jeeze,the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)I no longer
have any savings because I gave it to
a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th
time).
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
their special e-mail program.Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooo
much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor.If you don't
send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large
bird with diarrhea will poop on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and
the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this
will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a
friend.
Wanna know how to scare your ex? - 2005-03-12
Maybe I am not the sickest person out there. - 2005-02-23
I'm out of my funk and I'm not talking about hygiene. - 2005-02-11
Ding Dong the Sports Season is Dead. - 2005-02-07
Wow, is this thing still on? - 2005-01-31
7:19 p.m. || 2005-01-31
