No offering, offering SOBs...
5:11 p.m. || 2004-07-19
Well, I was hoping that there would be a great pile of offerings sitting here next to my computer when I returned to the office, but I was sadly disappointed. In response to your lack of offerings, I will not be funny today (not that I ever am, but today's lack of funniness coinciding with your lack of offerings was too big of a coincidence to pass up). You have no one to blame but yourself. This is the fucktangle that you have created, now deal with it.
We had a blast this weekend, but then that was sorta the point, wasn't it? We stayed in a 120 year old school house, but alas, even though there were 7 girls and only 3 boys, there was no 'educating' going on. Unfortunately for me, these girls know me. That is to say they know that I have a small penis and very little staying power, so it's probably easier to just rub one out than it is to deal with me. Oh, that and the fact that most of them view me as some 'brother figure' which comes with an iron clad "No Sex" guarantee. I'm really just expounding on this, because something about DLand came up this weekend, and these chicks are sneaky enough to find me on here if they really want to bad enough. If the horrific mental image of sex with me doesn't keep them from invading my online pseudo-privacy in the future, nothing will.
I was in a generally pissy mood on Friday for no apparent reason, but I usually do a pretty good job of hiding these types of things for the good of the clan. With the exception of one small threat of 'burning someone's eye out with a cigar' I think I did pretty well again. I think maybe it's just become time for a little mellow time by myself. I'm really good as the center of attention, but unlike most attention-whores I know, I also need a recharge period where I see no one, I hear no one, and I have to answer no stupid questions. That time has come. I will completely throw myself into the process of packing all my belongings (also commonly referred to as 10 years would of assorted acquired shit that should probably be thrown away -- except for the porn of course) for the move. We're only 10 days away now. But I digress and return to the story...
Saturday was fuckin' awesome. One of my new favorite chicks (not only is her husband in Iraq taking care of us, but she cooks like a champ) cooked us enough waffles to choke Al Roeker (pre-stomach stapling of course!). We had a beer, went to the horse races, had some more beer, came home so that we could drink the beer we had already paid for, then went back to the concert with the primary intention of.... Ahhh, how did you guess? ...drinking more beer. I'm not sure how much we had, but if you have stock in Coors, expect a nice tidy dividend check at the end of the quarter. It'll take me until Wednesday to drink enough water to even halfway re-hydrate myself. The concert rocked. We saw Honeybrown, Jason Boland & The Stragglers and Roger Creager (a fellow Aggie). It started at 8 pm and ran until 1:45, but with the exception of the douche that worked for 107.9 Rebel Radio (<-I don't know if they have a website, but I refuse to look because of the annoying whore they sent to work the show) the time seemed to pass quickly. Luckily the set changes were fast so we didn't have to listen to her too much. At the end of the concert with my drunken little party in tow, I was witness to one of the funniest events ever. My roommate who is named, Mr. NormalAndNotACompleteAssLikeMe jumped on one of our friends and tried to ride him like a pony. Now I'm not exactly sure what caused roommate Mr. NormalAndNotACompleteAssLikeMe to do this, because it is completely out of character for him, but I think it might have had something to do with the 16 beers in the last 2 hours. As our other friend threw him off (thanks for resisting the urge to power bomb him!) Mr. NormalAndNotACompleteAssLikeMe began a drunken stumble that could only end in disaster. Alas, we did not have a video camera. He staggered four or five feet before he ran into me, then pinwheeled off my left shoulder. It was at this point that I witnessed my first ever, live and in person, slow motion fall. You know the kind you see in a movie where you say to yourself, "I bet that's really funny in slow motion" so you actually hit the slow-mo button on the DVD... This is what he did in person. I've never seen anything like this since the Matrix. He managed to keep his feet for a good 10 yards before he crashed into a table and a stack of 12 chairs. Just so you know, at 2:00 am 12 metal folding chairs make a helluva lotta noise as they are crashing to the ground with a 200 pound person crashing upon them. If you've ever had one of your 'normal' friends make an ass out of his/herself, then you will appreciate the hell we gave/are giving him. I'm sure you had to be there to get the full effect, but Chris Farley couldn't have done it any better...
On a side note, if any of you are in tight with E-bay, let me know. The reason that we didn't have a video camera, and thus have deprived you of one of America's Funniest Home Videos is because I've been screwed by one of their sellers... I have no idea how to go about getting my money back. I'm sure I've been screwed.
Also, am I the only sad sack that is sad on Monday's because my stats from Saturday/Sunday suck so bad? Oh well, it could be worse... my stats could suck and my balls could be on fire.
Wanna know how to scare your ex? - 2005-03-12
Maybe I am not the sickest person out there. - 2005-02-23
I'm out of my funk and I'm not talking about hygiene. - 2005-02-11
Ding Dong the Sports Season is Dead. - 2005-02-07
Wow, is this thing still on? - 2005-01-31
5:11 p.m. || 2004-07-19
